The “Metro-sexual” Jumble

We all have moments when we muddle things in our head and end up saying something that is totally different from what we wanted or meant to say. And when you realise what a humongous error you have made (well, in case you don’t realise it yourself, your mates would not leave you until you have been soul-stripped-and-whacked!), not even the darkness of Mordor can hide the embarrassment on your face.

Recently, one of my friends had a similar severe-brain-stroke. First, let me set the scene for you. It was a bright and sunny day in Mumbai and I and my friends had decided to gather in the college “quad” (a 12 inch X 12 inch quadrilateral, which we proudly claim to be our Campus) to share the latest gossips. One of the last arrivals to the scene was Vikas. He was dressed for the occasion: bright and sunny in a florescent yellow T-shirt. We couldn’t decide whether the sun was shining brighter that day or Vikas. So, we decided to push him high-up on the “channe ka jhaad”. We showered him with all sort of compliments ranging from: smart to stud, handsome to Samson, so on and so forth. Some guys (or gays, you decide) even called him sexy!

But suddenly something happened that hit us worse than a lecture on Human-Resource. Vikas (or Vicky, as he is fondly called) addressed himself as “METROPOLITAN”. If you haven’t guessed it, what he meant was “METROSEXUAL”. It was no looking back from there on. By the time, he realised what an egregious mistake he had committed, we had all broken into fits of laughter that would have given Sir King Kong (he’s knighted, isn’t he?) a complex. Vicky was showered with another set of adjectives that couldn’t possible find a place on this family-blog (remember?).

I decided to compile a set of words that could create a similar muddle in an ant-sized-head. You could use it as a ready-reckoner whenever in doubt. Here it goes:

Right Word	Brain-Stroke- Affected-Word
Bullocks	Bollocks
Coward	Cowboy (the new meaning it has acquired thanks to Brokeback Mountain)
Homosapien	Homosexual (Jesus save you from your sins if you err)

I decide to stop before I lose control and make a mess of all values that are family. But all voluntary suggestions would be welcomed. And Vicky please don’t declare a “Jhaad”, oops sorry, “Jihad” against me.