RACE against Sanity

An extended festival weekend. A group of friends. A movie with sexy promos. What more could one ask to start a weekend? Yes, it all looked so perfectly wonderful. But we all forgot that the world isn’t perfect. Sigh.

It all began on Thursday evening when yours truly decided to initiate a class visit to the movie ‘Race’ the next day. 12 people turned up for the movie and we all went inside the theatre with high hopes of seeing an Abbas-Mustan masterpiece. And I must admit that we weren’t disappointed for almost the whole of the first half of the movie. Horse racing, stud farms, Porsche’s and Ferrari’s, hot Babes gyrating for your-eyes-only, (alas! “Zara zara touch me” made me gasp for more and more). All ingredients for a perfect masala flick.

All was well until the introduction of the Fruit-wala Anil Kapoor (RD) and his dumb-side-kick Sameera Reddy. RD is a Karamchand-like character who is more loyal to fruits than to his job. And fruits played an important role in the movie as they were the catalyst to the third-rate-jokes that the directors thought would tickle our funny bone. The only thing they managed to tickle was the longest nerve on our head which made us chant “maro-maro”.

Then there were the twists and turns in the movie that were more dangerous than the curves of Katrina Kaif. Just when we were getting a hang of what had happened, the directors threw in another twist in the tale which left us numb-skulled. This wasn’t all. The acting in the movie was preposterous. You could make monkeys gesture better than some of the actors in this movie (Declaration: Use of Monkey here does not in any way imply any form of racism).

And the brain-bleach-moment came in the last scene of the movie when the protagonist says it’s not yet over, which implies hold-your-breath a sequel! I believe it’s going to be a tough job for the directors to make something worse than this goo-inspired movie. But, great people always better their achievements and I believe that this great director-duo are no exceptions! So, watch out for their next magnum opus! And I’ll be watching it, you bet.

Where’s the Party Tonight!

It’s that time of the year when the juniors kick their seniors out of the b-school and proclaim their authority as the new bullies. It’s also the time for parties, farewell parties to be more specific. Although the farewell parties are meant for the seniors it would be fair to say that it’s the juniors who end up having all the fun. Seniors are busy reminiscing their time in the college. Sob-sob. Whatever.

So, we gave our seniors a farewell party at Enigma, JW Marriott Hotel, which is one of the best night-clubs in Mumbai. It would be an unforgettable experience for all present at the party. Each one will have a story to tell from the party, I bet. But I am not going to tell any stories. Infact, I decided to honour those who gave a performance of their lifetime that night. No nominees, no bullshit, just the winners. And here they are:

Category	Winner
Best Performance – Male	Subhranshu – Jimmy Jazz
Best Performance – Female	Madhushree – Mein Madhuri Dixit banna chahti hu
Critics Award	Sudhanshu – Free as a Bird
Best Couple	Shh Shh – Hush Hush
Best Non-Performance	Surabhi – Loves the corner
Glamour Award	Surya – Haute Couture Silver Shirt or was it a tank-top
Newcomer Award	Saurav – Kid Learns to Rock
Lifetime Achievement	Rahul – French Connections

The awards are fair and based on merit. The highest briber has got the award. Who says it’s wrong? A poor soul like me needs all the money I can get, whatever the means. Sob-sob.

The “Metro-sexual” Jumble

We all have moments when we muddle things in our head and end up saying something that is totally different from what we wanted or meant to say. And when you realise what a humongous error you have made (well, in case you don’t realise it yourself, your mates would not leave you until you have been soul-stripped-and-whacked!), not even the darkness of Mordor can hide the embarrassment on your face.

Recently, one of my friends had a similar severe-brain-stroke. First, let me set the scene for you. It was a bright and sunny day in Mumbai and I and my friends had decided to gather in the college “quad” (a 12 inch X 12 inch quadrilateral, which we proudly claim to be our Campus) to share the latest gossips. One of the last arrivals to the scene was Vikas. He was dressed for the occasion: bright and sunny in a florescent yellow T-shirt. We couldn’t decide whether the sun was shining brighter that day or Vikas. So, we decided to push him high-up on the “channe ka jhaad”. We showered him with all sort of compliments ranging from: smart to stud, handsome to Samson, so on and so forth. Some guys (or gays, you decide) even called him sexy!

But suddenly something happened that hit us worse than a lecture on Human-Resource. Vikas (or Vicky, as he is fondly called) addressed himself as “METROPOLITAN”. If you haven’t guessed it, what he meant was “METROSEXUAL”. It was no looking back from there on. By the time, he realised what an egregious mistake he had committed, we had all broken into fits of laughter that would have given Sir King Kong (he’s knighted, isn’t he?) a complex. Vicky was showered with another set of adjectives that couldn’t possible find a place on this family-blog (remember?).

I decided to compile a set of words that could create a similar muddle in an ant-sized-head. You could use it as a ready-reckoner whenever in doubt. Here it goes:

Right Word	Brain-Stroke- Affected-Word
Bullocks	Bollocks
Coward	Cowboy (the new meaning it has acquired thanks to Brokeback Mountain)
Homosapien	Homosexual (Jesus save you from your sins if you err)

I decide to stop before I lose control and make a mess of all values that are family. But all voluntary suggestions would be welcomed. And Vicky please don’t declare a “Jhaad”, oops sorry, “Jihad” against me.

MBA (Morons, Butt-Heads, Anarchists) Chronicles – Part 1

Hellooo, this is my first ‘real’ post and as always I am having mixed feelings about it. Anyways, I don’t wish to get into any more senti-butt-boring-talk, so I’ll get straight to the point. This is going to be a series of posts that will chronicle my MBA experience (not necessarily in chronological order). Yes! This should be news that I am doing an MBA, but I’ve been doing it for the last 8 months and you can understand what I think of it when I call MBAs as “Morons, Butt-Heads, Anarchists” (“A&%-kissers” is more appropriate, but I dream that this will become a family blog, Ha!).

So, this first blog is dedicated to one of my Profs in college. Let’s call him Blue Yucknik (BY). He is one of my favourite Profs of all time and I am sure that all my colleagues will have a similar opinion about him. Favourite because he didn’t care what we did in his class. Our activities during his class included playing the national-college-sport “Copter” or sleeping with eyes-closed or reading-newspapers-turned-upside-down or cuddling with your partner (gay and lesbian included) or (everyone’s favourite) watching high-class-Indian-porn.

Anyways, this is about one particular incident that stands out during the life-and-time of BY’s sessions. It was one his usual class where he was giving an uber-boring lecture on IT strategy. After about an hour of bum-blabbering, he gave us an equally bum-interesting activity: To visit Fidelity’s website and analyse how well they have constructed their website and how user-friendly it is. As you would expect, more than half of the class was in their own Alice-in-pornland and the rest were trying to electrocute BY (poor him) with their 440-watt-menacing-stares. Obviously, no one paid any heed to his crap-tivity. But (here’s a Hiroshima!), I took special interest in this activity and alongwith my friend Sameer, visited the website, www.infidelity.com. We were browsing through their message-boards, reading stuff like “a wife with 2 extra-marital affairs crying foul over her husband for having 6 (Good Beelzebub!) extra-marital affairs”. We were so engrossed in such short stories that we didn’t realize BY was standing behind us and staring right through us into our laptop. Before we could say anything, he commented: “Good, you are doing some deep analyses here. You can see how useless stuff has been posted on Fidelity’s message-board. How can Fidelity solve their customer’s marital problems? Fidelity is their financial advisor and not their relationship advisor”

No words can describe our feeling at that moment. It was like getting feather-tickled, but without the maddening-laughter. That was the moment that I felt the proudest in my life for my achievement (special mention to my dear friend Sameer, without whose support I would never have been able to achieve success). And it would not have been possible without the “efforts” of our most-beloved Prof, Blue Yucknick (no pun intended).