Wordpress is the new Blogger!

Should have done this a long time ago, but the lazy me always overshadows the working me. I sometimes think that the lazy me has killed the working me. ;)

Anyways, enough of the bullshit. This is to inform to all those sorry souls who visit this sorry blog. The blog has moved to a new address.

http://obscurerider.wordpress.com/

So, if you still have nothing better to do and are a born loser, do take time to visit the blog at the above link. It is sure to give you a new perspective on life. :P

Bankon-ME is Here!

Over the past week or so, many chaps in my class have had something or the other to write about our “annual” event. Some of these comments have been controversial to say the least. But by some stroke of (bad-)luck, I have been able to stay out of any of the controversies related to the event. Many wouldn’t be surprised by this, as over the past 1 ½ years I have been one the most uncontroversial figures in the college (no kidding, have plenty of ammo to defend myself!).

Anyways, leaving aside controversies, chaps have even come up with some ingenious ideas that can only be compared to the latest Subhash Ghai movies. The idea of conducting a parallel event on the back benches can win a “Razzies”, come the end of the year. And just like above, I have hardly been in the nick of things when people have been spinning slick ideas right-left and centre.

So I finally decided to tackle the issue face-on, night before the big-day. Here’s my own personal contribution to event named , hold your breath... some more... a l’il more... ok breathe, Bankon-it (maybe now I will get the chance of writing on my CV in double-bolds, “core committee member of the Bankon-it event”). Many have been confused about what exactly the name is suggesting, bank on what? And to be frank, I have not been able to answer that question. In any case, the name of the event made me think of who & what I am? You may wonder what the correlation is. Well, it made me think are there any qualities in me that people around me can bank upon (hence Bankon-me, you see, Einstein!). It may seem egotist, but it is definitely not, as you can see from the list below. Bankon-ME:

1. if you wish to take a tour of Mumbai, as I am the definitive guide

2. to finish projects well ahead of time

3. to come up with the most practical advice/ideas in a desperate situation

4. if you need fake certificates, bills, etc

5. to organise the best party in town

6. when the going gets tough, that I’ll go home

7. finally and most importantly, to prevent you from doing something that is ethically incorrect.

This list can go on-and-on, and I had to stop somewhere. It’s been a learning experience writing this post, a journey towards self-actualisation. It also gives those pig-farts who have not thanked me earlier, an opportunity to make-right there mistakes (now a**holes, now). Alas! Now I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders by making a significant contribution to the event. Nothing can stop my CV from being short-listed now!

P.S. Futher contribution to the above lists are welcomed.

Mumbaikars Bowels Scheduled – BMC Study

A BMC (Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation) study has recently concluded that because of the high pollution levels in the city, the bowels of Mumbaikars have been scheduled so that they are completely inactive during the night. Based on this study BMC has decided to keep the public toilets closed in the night.

My pals who are not from Mumbai have decided to challenge this decision and file a PIL against BMC for discriminating against Mumbaikars & non-Mumbaikars. This comes after they had suffered the agony of practicing Yoga (stretching your bowels to the limit is Yoga, isn’t it?!?) at 12 in the night as no Public Loo was open. Goes without saying, they followed what Shakespeare would have said if he was alive today, “the world is a toilet”.

Kudos Raj Thackeray!

Talking about MNS and Raj Thackeray, they really have been able to achieve success in very short period of time. Their efforts of trying to create a divide and give rise to tensions between Marathi and UP-Bihari community really seems to be paying off.

I just want to recollect a couple of incident that happened a few days back. I was travelling in a Mumbai Local Train from Andheri to Kandivili. A Marathi while boarding the train at Andheri got a little nudge from a UP-Bihari guy. It was nothing really, anyone who has travelled in the crushing Mumbai local trains know that you will inevitably get pushed around. Anyways, the Marathi guy reacted angrily and used a racial slur saying bhaiya hai kya gan**. Well, the guy who nudged the Marathi was a bihari/bhaiya and he had at least five more bihairis with him. Obviously, they didn’t take the slur too nicely and came up with “bihari” poetry – ma******, behen****, etc, etc. The Marathi then threatened to hit them. To which all the biharis rounded the Marathi and challenged him to hit them – maar na, maar na. The saga continued till the next station where the biharis forcefully pushed the Marathi out of the train.

Another more recent incident involved a bus driver and an auto-rickshaw driver. A UP-Bihari auto driver was hurled by a huge repertoire of Marathi abuse at a traffic signal by a Marathi bus driver. The auto drivers fault was that he had overtaken the bus and came and parked his auto in front of the bus at the traffic signal.

Hats off to Raj Thackeray, for he has achieved something that the Indian economy has not been able to achieve in 60 years – reaching out to the people at the bottom of the pyramid. Makes you wonder, only if these influential politicians guide their efforts in the right direction.

The TV and The BE(a)ST

Mumbaikars have a new thing to boast off in their ever-growing list of super-non-achievements. Public Transport Buses in Mumbai, run by BEST, now have 2 LCD TVs installed for the commuters’ pleasure in every single of 3100 buses in the city. Officially, these TVs have been installed for running ads. Unofficially, these ads are run by the noncontroversial Shiv Sena to counter the growing influence of the even-more-noncontroversial MNS party. How do they do it, you ask? Well, the TV runs a healthy mix of z-grade UP/Bihari & Marathi ads to strengthen the unity between these communities and hence countering the valiant efforts of MNS to ignite tension between the communities. Poor new channels, soon they are going to run out of one source of their daily “Breaking News”.

But, in all this good work by BEST and its associates, they have forgotten one very important aspect – “the commuters”. Mumbai bus travellers, like anywhere else in our country, have to squeeze into buses. Their mental agony is doubled – no, tripled – no, quadrupled thanks to the initiative taken by the BEST. Let’s see how the TVs make a journey truly ‘exciting’.

It all starts with an ad for a Marathi Reality Show on Dance (how innovative!). People of all ages compete 1-against-1 in this dance competition. This show follows one simple & common rule – you suck, I suck. Brilliant start.

Next up is the biggest sensation in Madhubani & Sunderban film industry – Nimo (or is it Mimo, whatever) Chakravarthy, son of the greatest dancer in Nilgiri Mountains – Mithun da. Promos of his debut film “Jimmy” (in which Mimo transforms into a dog – not too tough for his looks) simply take your breath away. You actually stick your head out of the window to suck air – and those who can’t simply go brain-dead after seeing a ghastly dog break-dancing.

Things couldn’t be worse. So to relieve you of your ‘pleasure’, TV starts running an item-number from one of those really comedy-types movie called “Dhoom Dhadaka”. Finally, all the men have something to cheer for, a skimpily dressed women gyrating and giving Shilpa Shetty a run for her money. But, soon the men realise that all the ladies are staring at them repellingly. So they turn their heads away from the TVs but still now and then try to sneak a peek of the item-girl.

Finally, the audience/commuters are treated to the real, the definite z-category UP-Bihari masala. The one-and-only Prabhu Chawla, of the Seedhi Baat fame, appears on TV with promos of his uber-cool show on his uber-cool channel, Aaj Tak. He still uses that trademark hand-motion of his which became a national phenomenon.

Eventually, you feel enough is enough and decide not to watch that real idiot-box again, only to get tempted in seeing the whole ad-opera all over again. Credit should be given where its due and you have to commend BEST for turning buses into torture-torium. An impossible job made to look so easy.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the only positive aspect of it all – the volume is turned ‘mute’, so that you are not disturbed from listening to the sound of Mumbai-traffic-music. Enjoy your ride.

Exam Fever Side Effects – Turns You into a Retard

So, I just got over with my exams in the college. Modestly speaking, it was a brilliant performance from my side. If I don’t get a GPA of 3.8 (on 4.0) then I would have to believe that there’s a god-damn conspiracy against me by the ‘Agency’. No work all porn; uhh… sorry, play, makes me a smart boy.

Anyways, I noticed that there are 3 kinds of people who come to write an exam & have peculiar behaviours: the know-all types who act as if they know nothing; the know-nothing types who act as if they know everything; and the know-something types who can’t act & is as confused and as dumb as the IPL cheerleaders (Phew! Can’t get them outta my head!).

Here’s a snippet of the kind of conversation that takes place in the examination hall just before the exam starts:

Know-All: F***! What am I gonna do. I dunno know anything dude. I am monkey-scre***! (Let’s see what these pack of jokers know. Mwaahahahaaa!)

Know-Nothing: Chillax Mon! watchya wanna know. I was awake the whole night, studying (…watching “Panditji Batai Na Biyah Kab Hoi”!).

Confused: I... I ….don’t know…or something… Shit!

Know All: Ahh… What is the Moo…moo… what’s the name of that theory? (

Confused: Modigli…

Know Nothing: Shut Up! Its Modiji-Mixer theory…

Know-All: Ohh… what’s it all about dude… have no clue … (Ass can’t even name Modigliani-Miller… Heehee)

Confused: it’s…

Know-Nothing: Mate, u suck, u know nothing. Modiji won a Nobel Prize for this Theory… the theory deals with how to separate the ‘caste mixture’ in a society… you know, that why the name Modiji-Mixer theory. (I never knew I was so clever. Yeah!)

Confused: But…

Know-All: Wow dude! You rock, you sure are a genius! How do you know so much! I could never understand the damn theory, and you have just made it look like it’s worth dog-poop. (God save his soul)

Confused: Can I…

Know-Nothing: Yeah Mon, it’s really easy-peasy. You really should concentrate on studies man. I think am gonna be the class topper this exam. (class topper… That line is gonna get me chicks!)

Confused: Yeah but…

Know-All: I think the same too… (Class topper for sure… from the end! Mwaahhaaahaaaa!)

Confused: (Phew! Finally I get to speak) Yeah I…

The Bell rings.

RACE against Sanity

An extended festival weekend. A group of friends. A movie with sexy promos. What more could one ask to start a weekend? Yes, it all looked so perfectly wonderful. But we all forgot that the world isn’t perfect. Sigh.

It all began on Thursday evening when yours truly decided to initiate a class visit to the movie ‘Race’ the next day. 12 people turned up for the movie and we all went inside the theatre with high hopes of seeing an Abbas-Mustan masterpiece. And I must admit that we weren’t disappointed for almost the whole of the first half of the movie. Horse racing, stud farms, Porsche’s and Ferrari’s, hot Babes gyrating for your-eyes-only, (alas! “Zara zara touch me” made me gasp for more and more). All ingredients for a perfect masala flick.

All was well until the introduction of the Fruit-wala Anil Kapoor (RD) and his dumb-side-kick Sameera Reddy. RD is a Karamchand-like character who is more loyal to fruits than to his job. And fruits played an important role in the movie as they were the catalyst to the third-rate-jokes that the directors thought would tickle our funny bone. The only thing they managed to tickle was the longest nerve on our head which made us chant “maro-maro”.

Then there were the twists and turns in the movie that were more dangerous than the curves of Katrina Kaif. Just when we were getting a hang of what had happened, the directors threw in another twist in the tale which left us numb-skulled. This wasn’t all. The acting in the movie was preposterous. You could make monkeys gesture better than some of the actors in this movie (Declaration: Use of Monkey here does not in any way imply any form of racism).

And the brain-bleach-moment came in the last scene of the movie when the protagonist says it’s not yet over, which implies hold-your-breath a sequel! I believe it’s going to be a tough job for the directors to make something worse than this goo-inspired movie. But, great people always better their achievements and I believe that this great director-duo are no exceptions! So, watch out for their next magnum opus! And I’ll be watching it, you bet.